Jealousy in a relationship

Jealousy in a relationship: the story behind and after.

Human beings are social animals. Throughout their life on earth, they make and break various connections and relationships and as a result, they also come in contact with many emotions. Maintaining a relationship is often hard as they are two people with individual emotions and thoughts. It isn't always bright and lovely. Among the various emotions that one goes through in a relationship, jealousy is the common one. 

Being jealous in a relationship is quite common, given that we are all humans with our own set of insecurities. What makes us jealous in a relationship, the signs of jealousy and insecurity in relationships are all noteworthy areas to study and reflect in our own relationships. Jealousy in relationships psychology helps to prevent your relationship from dangling on the edge of toxicity. 

Being jealous in a relationship is often just an obvious response of our subconscious, either because we are insecure of their ex, we are insecure of how well our own ex is doing, some other relationships of our close ones, the insecurity of someone being better than us and that we are not adequate for the person we love. 

When we love someone, we treat them as ours. We feel possessive of them and feel they are ‘our’ endearment only. But it also has its own share of positive effects if practiced within boundaries.

Is it OK to be jealous in a relationship?

Jealousy in normal bouts, is completely okay to feel in a relationship. Throughout history men have shown various psychological traits one of which is Jealousy. Anthropologists have remarked that jealousy is how we are wired to pick something better for us and helps to secure what we already have. It is okay to be jealous as long as it is for the right reasons and not to simply own each other in a relationship.  Being jealous in a relationship also shows you care for the person and want them to have the best. Steering your jealousy in the right direction can ensure you have a long lasting relationship.

Too much jealousy in a relationship, on the other hand, causes toxicity in a relationship and rids the partner and you of having any personal space to grow and focus on other relationships or on themselves. Extreme possessiveness due to jealousy could lead to stifling your partner and ridding them of personal decisions. Disallowing their personal time, their other healthy friendships and doubting your partner due to jealousy can lead to unwanted conflicts, straining your relationship.

Positive aspects of being jealous in a relationship

Being jealous in a relationship is one of the precursors to finding out if the relationship is right for you. One of the positives of being jealous in a relationship is that you get to analyse if the relationship is going the way you want it to, if there is an imminent future or if you are growing along with the relationship. 

In fact, such jealousy helps to draw boundaries in a relationship and negotiate a mutually nurturing and supportive relationship for each other. Besides, if both aren’t comfortable in a relationship, there’s no use in trying to save it.

Is jealousy a sign of love or insecurity?

The psychology behind jealousy in a relationship classifies it into two types: healthy jealousy and unhealthy jealousy. Healthy jealousy is propelled by love and care for someone we genuinely admire. It has its  roots in love and is completely harmless as long as it is restricted to caring for the person’s welfare and doesn’t go about messing with their personal space and boundaries. 

Unhealthy jealousy, on the other hand, is driven by traits like insecurity, inadequacy, low self-esteem, low self- confidence, emotional dependence and neuroticism. This type of jealousy has nothing to be normalized and is the first to ruin any good relationship. Though our society glamorizes jealousy as cute and that possessive partners make for great lovers, it has its own shades of toxicity attached which must not be encouraged beyond a point. 

Being jealous in a relationship is a sign of love as long as it is bound by trust, and is toxic and based on insecurities, if not bound at all.

What your jealous feelings are telling you?

• Jealousy in a relationship could often be because the relationship isn’t moving the way you want it to. 
• It might also be a sign of insecurity or your past experiences that are warning you and need to be addressed.

How to tell your partner you're jealous?

• Figure what really you are jealous or afraid of. Oftentimes, it is just the situation that works us up and not the presence of their other relationships. Besides, your partner may be completely honest and you may still be doubting them because of the way the situation plays. Addressing the right fear to your partner is key in expressing your jealousy. 
• Talk to your partner. It is better than spinning a thousand tales in your head and accusing someone of something that only your overthinking powered. 
• Skip accusations. If you don’t know, then it is better to not jump to conclusions. Accusations cause strain on the relationships and most times; are the reason they end without closure. 
• Rebuild your trust in your partner by talking to others they have been with, their family, friends or even your own old dating days. Your memories aren’t there only to cry over with a shot of tequila. Use them wisely to warm up to your partner again and talk to them about how you feel.
• Don’t raid your partner’s stuff or go about avenging them for something that might not even be true. Give them their own personal space always and don’t let doubts creep in before you hear it from your partner themselves. 
• Focus on self- care. It is completely normal to feel jealous and you don’t need to be hard on yourself for feeling so. Unless your partner is really cheating on you or has confessed something so, you have no reason to keep feeding your jealousy so try to get rid of it by meditating, doing something you love and keep positive.

Best tips to deal with jealousy in a relationship: 

• You need to create a sense of trust in each other, by being each other’s significant other and going-to-person. 
• You must appreciate each other’s interests, even if different and support their endeavors. 
• However diverse your interests may be, try to spend some quality together time doing something the both you share a common interest in.
• Both of you need to pay attention to each other while socializing with others and share each other’s friendships and acquaintances. 
• If jealous, make the first move to express it to your partner and not grow your doubt in you. 
• Don’t jump to conclusions and reinforce the happy moments you shared and use them to guide you. 
• Share your successes with each other and be a part of both happy, sad and tiny moments of each other’s life. 

Being jealous in a relationship happens to the best of us as that is how we are wired. Handling it the proper way helps to reinforce and build stronger and healthier relationships